THE LIFE OF JUSTIN KEY Reflections on the passing of a Darden student The fact that we are all going to die is one of the most obvious things in life. And yet, any time someone I know dies, it always feels like a shock. In addition, when someone is young and seems to have their whole life in front of them, it seems impossible that they could have won the "reverse lottery" and been taken away. But it looks like that's what happened to Justin. I say "looks like" for a reason... But I'll get to that later.
Justin Key died this past Monday, December 14, early in the morning, in one of the most boring ways possible - he got the flu. This may not seem remarkable if you have never met the guy, but for those of us who know him, this too seems nearly impossible to believe... Justin did everything with a twist.
After High School he started writing in earnest. He always had been a writer, but when he arrived at college, one of the first conversations I had with him revolved around Chapter 6 of the novel he was writing. His dialogue, apparently, didn't seem real enough to him, so he spent a good part of every day our Freshman year refining these fictional conversations while other people were taking naps or avoiding homework.
That was the Fall of 2002. Justin and I got to know each other quite well because we were both in the same classics program. Furthermore, we were in the same cohort (Wesley for life!) which meant we had at least 9 hours of class together every week. Did I mention the classes had only 15-20 students a piece? In a class this small you get to know someone fairly well, fairly quick.
Now I'm rambling... Oh well.
The first time I remember Justin speaking up in class - was the first class we had. It was led by the head of our program - Dr. John Mark Reynolds. He is something of a legend on campus and is known for two things: 1. His expertise in the Platonic Dialogues and 2. His love of breaking down Freshman. He ate bad ideas for breakfast, washed them down with a dozen Diet Cokes, and did it again after lunch. This was the guy Justin decided to challenge in his first class. We were discussing Homer, and since Justin was a bit of a hero himself, he decided to kill two birds with one stone; 1: Come to rescue of a poor girl who was getting raked across the coals and 2, Bring a bit of humor into class to "break the ice". I still have my notes from this class - I didn't write any of his comments down from that day, but the first student I mention by name in any of my notes is Justin - just a few days later, discussing The Odyssey.
"Justin: As in all great Homeric literature, it all comes back to Billy Madison" pause for effect, "Your son can't just inherit your stuff automatically, he must live up to your standards, otherwise this is an indicator that you have failed to communicate your heritage to him, which actually that means that you are a failure as a dad, you know?" the sound of 18 blinking eyelids is unbearable
He wasn't afraid of asking the hard question, but he also wasn't afraid of cracking a joke (at his own expense) to help take the edge off a tough conversation. We drank many cups of coffee in our University coffee shop - Common Grounds discussing how our classes had gone that day. When he decided to become director of the California Schools Project (a non-profit ), he came to me for help designing their logo and brochures. When I ran for student body president, I went to him for ideas on how to craft my big campaign speech. Part of the reason we got along was because we both cared deeply about living life to the fullest. What I never told him was that, even though I was more then 4 years older than him, I secretly suspected that he was doing a better job at this than I was. So we decided to stay in touch for life. We decided that, no matter what happened in our lives, he and I and a couple other guys were going to get together at least once a year to catch up, discuss important things, and help each other become the men God intended us to be.
After college Justin became a world traveler - surpassing my 31 countries, and equaling my 2.5 languages - and even got a great job at Expeditors International. He started talking about Business School and we worked together for months honing his reasons for attending, whittling down his list of top schools, and discussing future career paths.
When he visited the East Coast to look at Business Schools he stayed at my house and impressed my wife with the way he continued to mature. When he wrote that Darden was his first choice I called him on the phone and immediately told him that he needed to "up his game" if he wanted to be competitive...
But what was I thinking? This guy had 740 on his GMAT, graduated in the top of his undergraduate business school, and taught himself to write Excel macros that saved his company millions of dollars without my help.
Out of my entire group of friends from college, Justin has been, by far, the most successful – at every step of the game. He did better at Biola. He did better at Darden (if they ever release his Q2 exam grades, they will show that he did better than me). And he has always been a better friend to me than I was to him.
For all these reasons and more, it is tempting to believe that Justin's life was just cut short. That all of this living was wasted preparation for a set of achievements that he'll never be able to accomplish now. In fact, the saddest I've been through this whole process, was when it suddenly struck me that all of our conversations about women and family were a waste since he would never marry.
But life is often more complicated than it seems at first glance. Like Matisyahu who says on 'One Day' - "I'm here for a reason", Justin's life had a purpose, even if that purpose seems clouded right now. The more complicated truth, underneath Justin's more complicated life, is that every friendship, every genuine compliment, every satisfying conversation we have is an extravagant gift of time. And as all business students know, the laws of supply and demand dictate that because Justin had so much less time to offer, each unit of Justin's time should be expected to be valued at a higher value on the open market than the average person's time. Justin died at the top of his game - true. But this does not mean that he did not accomplish his reason for being.
Whether one is a faith-filled person, or a complete atheist, one still has to conclude that the example Justin left us with was not only NOT incomplete, but it was FULL. Which is the goal most of us aspire to, but few achieve.
Dying in Advent initially struck me as the ultimate indignity - a devilish trick to amplify the pain of leaving so soon - so early. But the more I think about it, the more I feel like it is totally appropriate. Justin died in a penitential season for the Church - the goal of which is a proper understanding of the coming of Christ.
This year and for the rest of my life, I will have an un-asked-for object lesson in the life of Justin. This year in particular, as we celebrate the gift of a small child from Bethlehem, I will also be celebrating the gift of a small child from Seattle.
And far from ruining my Christmas, I'm going to make this celebration count. If Justin were here, I trust he'd be celebrating with us, just like I trust he's celebrating right now. Posted December 17, 2009
Posted by: Beth Drechsel Christof,
I was very sorry to hear of his death, not because I knew him but because I had heard how much you loved him. Through these written words about him I feel like I knew him
just a little. Someday I truly will, and I look forward to that. Posted 2009-12-17 13:08:12 Patiently Waiting Posted by: Rose Christoff, I have been patiently awaiting your entry about Justin because I knew it would be poignant. I loved it. You totally honor his spirit and what he desired to be known for.
Thanks.
rose
http://theduryees.wordpress.com Posted 2009-12-18 14:22:11
Posted by:
Posted 2009-12-18 17:14:10
Posted by: Kelley Sigl I only knew Justin for a few months through his brother Aaron, but what an amazing guy. I remember talking with him about classic literature, undergrad and his new job at Expiditors. Reading this beautiful post about Justin and your friendship is sad for me, moving, and beautiful all at the same time. Justin deserves to live on in the hearts of those he touched, and I am sure that was many! Even to those that he may not have known well or long (like myslef,) he made an impression and an impact that will be remembered deeply. Posted 2009-12-18 17:29:02 Thanks... Posted by: Danielle I'm a friend of Aaron's (Justin's brother) and I thank you for this. I never did meet Justin, and it really brings forth understanding of the man who passed...I love this family...thank you... Posted 2009-12-21 01:28:44 One of Your Best Posts Posted by: Monwar Hussain This was so... touching AND analytical at the same time. Wow!
I neither 'know' Justin or you... so for me it is all about the human condition. I am sure that was not the primary perspective in your mind when you wrote it... but well, it does me certain lessons on living. I am an agnostic, but as you suspect, I had my take-aways.
Thank you! Thanks to Justin. Posted 2010-01-04 11:46:21 Mom Posted by: Brenda This made me cry..... Posted 2010-01-13 21:29:11 Mom Posted by: Brenda This made me cry...... Posted 2010-01-13 21:30:28 COMMENT ON THIS POST
